


Heart

by Xqueenie



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And Thor loves his brother, Angst with a Happy Ending, Intersex Loki, King Loki, Loki Has Issues, M/M, Mentioned future mpreg, Mind Control, Mpreg, Oral Sex, Post-Avengers (2012), Pseudo-Incest, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-16
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-02-25 14:20:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2624951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xqueenie/pseuds/Xqueenie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor has heart. Loki thinks he has none.</p><p>(A canon divergence where Loki uses the Tesseract to control Thor and take over Asgard, and the five stages of his rise and fall: Humiliation, Victory, Doubt, Isolation, Redemption.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Humiliation

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [art](http://wantstobelieve.tumblr.com/post/51413557499/pet-loki-calls-sweetly-as-the-pair) belonging to the lovely wantstobelieve on tumblr.
> 
> -In which Loki is a conniving shit and Thor only wants his brother back-
> 
> ([please consider donating to this Gofundme for me and my girlfriend to get together](https://www.gofundme.com/ncany2jw) )
> 
> I am also now taking requests for [writing commissions!](http://xandraqueen.deviantart.com/journal/Writing-Commissions-573834778) Follow me on [tumblr](http://xandraqueen.tumblr.com) or watch me on dA to submit requests!

Humiliation.

All he could feel was the pinch of the muzzle latched onto his chin and jaw, the unforgiving cold metal of the constricting handcuffs around his wrists, and sheer, utter humiliation.

But that was always the point, wasn't it? To humiliate him. It was just the beginning of the punishment to come for him, for his crimes against humanity. Quite literal crimes against humanity, as he'd been told (though he didn't know how trying to rule them-- to give them the subjugation he knew they craved--was a crime).

Oh the smug look on the faces of his brother's Midgardian friends as they eyed him. How he wished so badly to wipe each grin off of their faces-- Hel, not only that, but to wipe their faces clean off. That would teach them to laugh at him. And mistake him not, he would have his revenge.

Each one of them would suffer for the humiliation they each caused them. He would make right on his promises to end each of them: Stark would be flung from the top of his wretched tower, with no suit to help him get out of it this time. He would use Barton against Romanov, as he had said, using his all-encompassing knowledge of what she was afraid of, what she despised, what made her squirm-- to torture and kill her. And once he released Barton from the Tesseract's hold, he could dispatch him easily after he'd seen what he had done. Banner would not be as easy, what with the monster inside him protecting him. He would have to be disposed of somewhere where he could not escape, and the monster would not easily resist. Perhaps Loki could use the Tesseract to eject the beast into the fires of Muspelheim-- or, even better, leave him on the barren wastes of Jotunheim to freeze to death (he did always wear nothing more than a pair of shorts, after all). As for the Captain? Perhaps he would let the soldier march into war-- but this time, for the wrong side. If Loki showed him a true battle, one of beings much stronger than he, perhaps Captain America would die with a soldier’s honor. Or a war criminal’s dishonor; Loki most definitely was one for irony. Delicious irony.

What of his brother, you ask? Oh, Loki was already thinking of different ways to deal with him. He wasn’t going to kill him--oh, that would be too easy. He would make the Thunderer watch as Loki killed off his friends, one by one. And after that? Perhaps he would use the Tesseract against him, and use the Golden Prince to take over Asgard by force. The rest of the Nine would fall to their knees easily after their Allfather had fallen.

This was his plan.

 _Humiliation. Enjoy it while you can, brother. Humiliation will soon be met with chaos and death._

He squinted as the Tesseract’s power transported them back to Asgard in a flash of blue light. The Bifrost glowed beneath their feet, and Loki's eyes trailed along the length of the rainbow bridge. There, at the end, he saw where Thor had smashed the bridge nearly a year ago. It was under construction, no doubt it was going to end up being rebuilt rather soon. Heimdall stood watch at the edge, as he always had. Loki didn't look up at the gatekeeper, but he was sure he and Thor exchanged a nod of greeting.

The way to the palace was long and especially grueling, and it seemed as if the entirety of Asgard were asleep. Or ignoring him. Too bad, he would have loved to have had a show for this (although it would have made his plan significantly harder). The cuffs on him were a hash job; preventing him from breaking the chains with any magic, but of course, there was always a loophole. With a substantial amount of effort, he was able to cast a double of himself--A flickery double, but a double, nonetheless--in front of Thor.

"Thor."

No answer. The Thunderer kept his eyes forward, his jaw tight.

"Brother, will you not look at me?"

"...was it not you who mentioned we were not brothers?" It was less of a question and more of a statement.

"Oh come now. And was it not you who said... oh, what was it? 'We were raised together, we played together, we fought together'?"

Thor growled, glancing at the double walking beside him. "What do you want, Loki?"

"I only wish to have one last bout of playful banter with my brother before he sends me to the chopping block."

Thor seemed to falter. "...you do not know that is what lies ahead for you."

"Oh, ple-e-ease- dammit--" The projection flickered again, and he struggled to strengthen the spell. "Oh please. The only way I would have lived is if I were you."

"This again?!" Thor nearly shouted, glaring straight into the eyes of Loki's projection, "The only person who is to blame for this is you, Loki. Not me, not Father, _you_. Only _you_ tried to kill me and destroy Jotunheim, and only _you_ tried to lay waste to Midgard in an attempt to rule it. No one forced your hand."

Oh, if only he knew.

"The truth is clear, Thor," Loki rolled his eyes, "I am for the axe. Will you not allow me one las-s-st--" The projection failed once again, and Loki sighed, his step faltering. He once again cast the projection, this time taking much longer before he tried to speak.

"You are straining." Thor noticed, obviously straining himself to keep from showing concern.

“It’s nothing,” the silvertongue said, “I merely wish to talk to you. Would you not grant a man his final wish?”

Anger flaring, Thor waved through the illusion and turned to grab the real Loki by the collar of his jacket. “What are you playing at?!” He snarled, his eyes narrowing at the seemingly jovial look behind Loki’s gaze. Loki couldn’t do much more than shrug at the question--muzzles make it very hard to do much talking. Frustrated that he didn’t get a reply, Thor all but ripped the apparatus off his face. “What tricks are you pulling now, Loki?” **  
**

“No trick,” he promised, holding his still-restrained hands up in defense, “I only wish to speak to you.”

“Speak, then. And make it fast.”

“...would you weep?”

Thor groaned, “Loki--”

“I am serious,” Loki tried to keep a straight face, “Would the Almighty Stormbringer weep if his black sheep little brother were to be executed?”

Thor scowled at him and took a long pause before releasing his collar. “I can’t answer that.”

Loki snorted, “And why not?” A glare from his not-brother made him roll his eyes. “Oh come on, what can I do? Tease you? You have me in chains, what do you think I could do?”

“You do not fool me, Loki,” Thor said, “your tricks are not limited to physicalities. You know as well as I do that sometimes words can hurt more than punches.”

“Such sentiment--”

“Enough of this. You wanted to talk, then let us talk. Do not think I will just stand here and allow you to insult me.”

Loki’s lips formed a hard line. “I attempted to make conversation with you. Why will you not answer my question?”

Thor was silent a long time. Loki watched his face for changes: the twitch of his mouth, the settling of an eyebrow, the number of seconds between each blink, to try and understand what he was thinking. His expression was solemn, which made Loki wonder what he was thinking of that made him so sad. Did he really feel for his lost brother? Would he truly mourn if Loki were to be executed for his crimes?

When the Thunderer spoke again, his voice was low, and he seemed to be fighting to keep it from wavering. “Why does it matter why I will not answer it? Ask anything else, and I will answer.”

“I do not want to know much more than this,” Loki said, being difficult as usual, “What else would I ask? Perhaps, how is your mortal? Does she fare well?"

Thor paused again, but this he answered. “...she was safe from your attacks, if that is what you wish to know.”

Loki nodded, humming sort of mockingly. “Good, good. Pity she could not see you in all your glory. I’m sure if she had, she would have thrown herself under you, as you obviously desire.”

Again, Thor was at his throat. Loki was choking on his own laughter, as Thor wrapped a hand around his neck, a strong thumb gently cutting off his airflow.

“Do not presume to know this woman,” Thor growled at him, “You have not met her, you do not know her, and I will not have you speaking badly of her.”

Loki’s laughter died in his throat. The mischievous glint in his eyes was smothered like a flame in a room with no air. His smile flattened out, crumbled, and turned into a deep-set scowl.

“You care for her so much,” his voice was low, almost guttural because of Thor’s hand on his throat, “Why? Why does this woman have so much power over you? Two days you spent with her, brother, and she changed you so?”

Thor’s mouth opened slightly, then formed back into a solemn frown before he answered. “Even if I knew, I would not tell you. You do not deserve to taunt me more than you already do about Jane.”

A bit of a smirk returned to Loki’s face, but his eyes remained dead. This woman, this Jane, was nothing more than a mere human. If she were to die, Thor would be heartbroken for years. He would probably wait a good thousand years before bedding another woman. He would have told her everything, shared every secret, given her his all. And what of Loki? Loki would be long gone, and Thor thought nothing of it. He might be solemn for a few months, but he would finally be rid of the nuisance that was his little not-brother.

You expected him to be sad? To cry? No, he was angry. But it was a frustrated, quiet anger; the kind that burns in your belly and seeps out into your veins slowly, like lava, threatening to burst out, but not _quite_ yet.

Thor had known him all of Loki’s life, and most of his own. But that was not enough. This woman had known him two days, and suddenly Thor is a changed man? Oh, it made him so angry.

“I ask you the same, brother,” Loki all but spat the word, “would you weep for me?”

Thor met his eyes, as if to ask ‘why would you continue to ask this of me?’, but Loki’s gaze remained harder than stone. Finally, Thor sighed.

“Of course.”

Loki snorted, and Thor added, “Oh, stop. Of course I would mourn your death. Your parentage means nothing to me; you and I were raised as brothers, and brothers we still are. I still love you as one, in any case.”

Love. More sentiment.

Loki feigned a flattered smile and tilted his head to the side. “Aww, such sentiment, such… heart.” Thor shoved him away, reaching for the muzzle again.

Time to act.

As Loki pretended to stumble away from Thor, he took advantage of the lengthy chains between the cuffs and reached into his jacket, where he kept his Ace of Spades--the scepter given to him by Thanos, still powered by the Tesseract. He’d kept it within his jacket, underneath his belt, concealed with a touch of magic (that was what really had been draining him-- not the projections). As Thor turned back to place the muzzle back over Loki’s mouth, Loki knocked the damned thing out of Thor’s hand.

Thor grunted in surprise. “How did you--?!” He didn’t get to finish. The tip of the scepter touched his chest, and he realized, too late, what was happening.

“Loki,” he muttered, “no.”

“Sorry, brother,” Loki sneered, “You’ll do me much better if you forget your loyalties to those primitive beings.”

Thor collapsed.


	2. Victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, to all who commented and left kudos! It means a lot to me, and it makes me feel really good about this story! I'll have the next chapter up soon~
> 
> -In which Loki gets all he wants, and more.-
> 
> ([please consider donating to this Gofundme for me and my girlfriend to get together](https://www.gofundme.com/ncany2jw) )
> 
> I am also now taking requests for [writing commissions!](http://xandraqueen.deviantart.com/journal/Writing-Commissions-573834778) Follow me on [tumblr](http://xandraqueen.tumblr.com) or watch me on dA to submit requests!

Victory.

Oh, he felt so victorious. He could feel the power the staff gave him racing through his veins as his fingers traced the rivets in the cold metal. Little whispers came off with every single tendril of power that curled off the jewel in the center of the spear. It was especially active due to the close proximity to the Tesseract, which was still in the cannister clutched in Thor’s free hand.

Immediately after Thor’s, ah… _compliance_ , they continued along the way to the palace. Loki had Thor let him out of the cuffs, but the trickster then concealed the two of them, to make it look like nothing had happened. For if they had come to the palace as they were, they would have had to fight off an entire army of guards. And if one of them raised the alarm, they were royally fucked.

Thor had a light grip on his arm, but it was just for show. Loki quickly glanced at his new partner-in-crime, and was delighted to see that those brilliant blue eyes now looked devoid of emotion. And if he looked close enough, he could see the difference in the shade of blue from Thor’s real eye color. The Mighty Thor, The Golden Prince of Asgard, and look at him now. Under control of an Infinity Stone, and completely at Loki’s disposal. He could have anything he wanted from his "brother", and oh how he planned to take it. He easily found a new host for the muzzle meant to humiliate him.

_"But I find your silence and lack of sentiments the greatest enjoyment yet, brother.” Loki brandishes the familiar muzzle—an indignation partly soothed now that Thor’s band of  insects are scattered stains on Midgardian dirt. “We shall put good use to this mouth of yours later on.”_

Mjolnir sat in the Grand Hall, just a few feet from the throne of Asgard. She refused to move for anyone. Even for a fleeting moment, she wouldn't budge. Not for Thor, not for Loki, not for anyone. His loss of worthiness did not seem to bother Thor, but then again, not much bothered him anymore. It was with a chilling glee that Loki observed how dead those blue eyes seemed. The rest of his face tried to show emotion--an angry scowl, a solemn frown, an eerily satisfied smile--but his eyes... they were completely swallowed by the Tesseract itself

His brother was completely under his control. No more judging looks, no more trying to get him back on a righteous path, none of that. Every whim, every request, every single thing Loki asked of him, Thor did. It was everything he'd wanted.

Thor had no expression in his face when Loki asked him to abdicate the throne to him, and his father-- Thor's father, not Loki's-- would not fight his firstborn son. It was simple, making Odin step down. He had no power stronger than the Tesseract, and no heart to kill the boys he had raised. As furious as the Old King was at his adopted son, he would not lift a finger to harm him.

How weak. On any other occasion, Loki would have killed without question, but that was not a fitting punishment for Odin, he felt. Better to let him watch from afar, as Loki finally got what he was always told (by Odin, of course) he was born to have. A throne, and the respect and power of a ruler. This monster that Odin had stolen from his birthplace was now a ruthless King, with his obedient dog at his side.

Poor Frigga. It broke her heart to see Loki reducing to such levels just to obtain the throne he’d always wanted. The woman had done him no wrong, and Loki could not punish someone who did not need to be. She’d only ever loved him like a son, even if she knew he was not hers. He knew she would not challenge him, though he would admit that her glassy, disappointed gaze haunted his every movement. She remained in the palace, as any retired Queen would, milling about her chambers and the castle halls, busying herself with idle pastimes. Loki barely saw her after he took the throne.

It was hard enough to convince the people of Asgard that he was fit enough to rule, especially those close to the crown. The warriors of Asgard had sworn an oath of loyalty to the King, and they were to abide by that law no matter what happened. So as soon as Odin abdicated and Thor passed along the burden of power to Loki, they had no choice.

Sif and the Warriors Three were much harder to convince.

They knew exactly what was going on, and no matter what Loki did, they would not willingly bow to him. He had no choice: he had to have Thor subdue each of them so he could open their eyes with the Tesseract's power.

Now, with Asgard's five best fighters at his fingertips, Loki was unstoppable.

Victorious.

\- - -

Even under such strange circumstances, life in Asgard began to move on, once the people got used to the idea of Loki as their King. It took a couple weeks for everyone to settle, including Loki himself. The last time he sat on this throne, he was unseated within two days, and then thrown from the Bifrost. He had a right to be unsettled. But his seat on that throne became all the more comfortable with each passing day.

Rigid, emotionless. Cold. That's how he expected Thor and his friends to act while under the influence of the Tesseract. Instead, they seemed almost as normal, laughing and shouting and drinking and wrestling playfully at the banquet table just as they always did. It gave the palace a feeling of normalcy, because that was just the way Loki wanted it. The only difference he wanted in his home was that everyone saw him as he should be: a king. No less Asgardian than the rest of them. He could finally denounce his true heritage with ease. He was their King, not a Jotun, and now that the people knew he was a fit king, he no longer needed to worry about being a monster in a mask. He had the respect he craved-- who cared if it came from fear?

The whole night, Loki drank and ate, and for once, he actually enjoyed himself. For the first time in years, he felt no worry dragging on his shoulders, eating at his brain, turning his heart into a deadweight. He was relaxed.

Many a time, he found himself glancing around the banquet, wondering if at this point (only six mere weeks since he'd taken the throne) that he could have the company of just about anyone in the room. Why couldn't he? Power was attractive. And he'd be lying if he admitted to being less than an exemplary lover.

But something about this time was different. He didn't want to be dominant this time. He was already sitting on the most powerful seat in the universe, with no one challenging his authority. It was quite vanilla, and he wasn't sure what he should do. He expected much more of a fight to keep the throne, but no one tried to stop him when they knew he had Thor by his side.

Of course. Thor. Everyone cowered before Thor. Why would they not? Loki growled and turned his eyes on the Thunderer, who was drinking heartily from a glass of mead. The more he drank, the more he had to tip his glass backwards,  and... the more of his muscles Loki could see. Muscle-bound blonde-haired-blue-eyed idiot--

But a sudden vision blocked his resentful thoughts. A vision of those muscles wrestling him down onto a bed of furs, the muscles hidden underneath the armor rippling and rocking hips and slapping skin and muscle muscle _muscle_...

Loki shook his head. What was he thinking? They were raised together, for the Nine's sake! What business did he have imagining such things, of the man he'd once called "brother" (whom he still calls "brother", out of habit).

But damn it, all that _muscle_...

Well, he couldn't sit with his legs uncrossed anymore.

The feast was far from over, but Loki could eat no more. These odd stirrings in his chest inflated like a balloon, and slaughtered his appetite. He gave one final smile to the others surrounding the table, and announced he was retiring early tonight. On his way out, he grabbed Thor's shoulder and growled in his ear, too low for anyone else to hear.

"You will come to my quarters after the feast."

And then, he walked stiffly from the dining hall. Perhaps a bath would help him forget the strange vision he'd had.

He'd spent nearly an hour in the tub, trying to banish the thoughts from his head. But he could not. In fact, his head filled even more, with new thoughts: hands, lips, teeth, tongue, hot breath in his ear, a beard tickling his collar as a sinful mouth tortured that sensitive spot on his neck.

Finally, he could stand it no longer. He reached below the water, grabbed his swollen cock, and began erratically stroking himself. He imagined it was Thor's big, warm hand stroking him; his deep, thunderous voice rumbling in his ear, goading him to his climax. It took only a few minutes for him to finish.

He was king. He could have what he wanted.

And he wanted Thor. Quite badly.

An hour or so after he'd finished pleasuring himself, there came a knock at the door. He was wearing nothing but a silken evening robe, lounging in an armchair by the fireplace in his room, reading. He didn't look up as he called for the person to enter, knowing full well who it was. Thor came in and bowed respectfully.

"Close the door." Loki ordered quietly as he marked his page and set the book down. Thor did as he was told.

"Thor," Loki drew out the vowel in his name, letting the sound roll off his tongue, "Tell me. You would do anything I ask, would you not?"

"Of course." No hesitation whatsoever. It brought a small smirk to the trickster's face.

"And if I asked something of you, you would not question it?" Loki stood from the armchair, his robes shifting and barely covering him (intentionally, of course).

Thor nodded at him. "It is my sworn duty to protect and serve you. Beyond duty, I wish to please you in any way I can."

How odd that he would use that choice of words. "And why do you wish to please me?" Loki turned to his table, where appeared a bottle of fine wine and two glasses. He poured them both a drink, and offered the second glass to Thor. "Is it merely because of my hold on you?"

As Thor took the glass, Loki could have sworn he saw those blue eyes flicker. He grit his teeth as Thor made eye contact and said with an intensity Loki had never seen but in battle. "I have only ever wished to see you happy, brother. I wish to please you because it makes me happy."

Loki had to try his hardest to keep himself from jumping the thunder god then and there. He took a sip from his wine and tried to calm himself.

"Then you will not protest to keeping me company tonight, I presume."

"I will not mind at all," Thor offered his liege a sly smirk, "would you like me to keep you company, my King?"

"More than that," Loki said, dragging his gaze slowly over Thor's physique, "I wish to test a rumor."

"A rumor, my Lord?"

Loki scoffed, "Please. We are in my chambers, alone. You do not have to address me so formally, brother." After Thor nodded, Loki continued, "A rumor, yes. I have heard in the past of maids giggling and whispering about you. They say you are a beast in bed."

Stifling a small laugh, Thor crossed his arms, "Do they say such things?"

"They do."

"And you wish to test this rumor? How; will you bring in a maid and watch me rut with her?"

Loki snorted, and though it seemed like a laugh, he frowned to himself. As if he would let anyone else fuck his brother. Doubtless, he'd had plenty of partners before this, (how else would those rumors be spread?) but now that Loki was getting everything he wanted, he wasn't about to let that go.

"Not at all," Loki said, setting his wineglass down on the side table, "I wish to find out... in another way." He slunk closer to Thor, nearly to the point of pressing up against him.

"And what way is that?" Thor's voice was soft; it was obvious he knew exactly what Loki was talking about. They were mere inches apart now, both waiting for the other to move. It was like the tension and desire were all building up behind a thin glass wall, and with a single touch they would all release. It would crash over them like a wave, swirling around them and drowning them in their own desires for each other.

"You couldn't figure it out? You're smart, aren't you?" Loki's voice was just above a whisper.

"I have some ideas." Thor was the first to close the gap between them, and as soon as their lips touched, the glass shattered, and they fell together. Thor's hands were all over him, pulling him close, squeezing him, rubbing him. Loki grasped his cheeks, pressing up against him as their tongues twisted together.

They continued fiercely kissing as Thor lead Loki over to the bed, Loki shedding his robes along the way. He met the furs on the bed bare, as much of him pressed to Thor's armor as possible, hands exploring and mouths meshing. Thor flicked the warm pads of his thumbs over Loki's nipples, and Loki drug soft fingernails through Thor's hair, along his scalp.

All of this had been building for years. The tension, the constant fighting, the new developments in their lives... somehow, it all fueled Loki's need of his brother. The more they fought, the more Loki pushed him away, the more he wanted him. He ran away from Thor, only to see him chase after. To see how far his brother would go for him. This was just proof that Thor really would do anything for him.

But to make sure to test him, Loki was willing to bare himself completely. No spells, no magic, no tricks. His true self would be revealed, one secret he'd kept hidden under a constant glamour spell since he was very young.

Loki had dual sexes.

He'd never really understood why he was different. Frigga was the only one that knew besides him, and she had explained that he was merely special. That his body made him unique, because he had a rare condition. She was a mother; she obviously had no way to explain it either, so she was attempting to make him feel better. He remembered once reading about a similar condition that Jotuns had, where they had both male and female organs, which made sense only after he figured out he was adopted.

So this was the ultimate test of Thor's loyalty.

Before either of them could get too far along-- Thor's eyes were already darkened with lust, and Loki's nipples flushed red and hard from Thor's abusing of them--Loki pulled his brother's head up.

"Thor," he muttered, "I have to show you something first." Panting, Thor nodded, and Loki moved back on the bed. He took a breath as he spread himself, and... he dissolved the glamour spell. His cock remained half-hard, the way it was before, but the image of his sac disappeared. Where it had been, there appeared a flushed pair of lips, and a deep pink slit hidden between them.

Swallowing, Loki looked to Thor's face to see his reaction. He expected a mixture of confusion and disgust; he expected Thor to pull away and never touch him. For a moment, he forgot of the hold he had on him.

Instead, Thor glanced up at Loki's eyes. He then looked down at the petals between his legs, and gently traced his thumb along the folds. "...is it real?"

Loki nodded. "Does it repulse you?"

A quiet laugh rumbled in Thor's chest, "You think I have not seen a cunt before?"

Loki growled at him, and Thor laughed again, and before Loki could snap back at him, Thor had buried his face between his legs, and-

Oh, gods, that was his _tongue_ \--

Loki leaned back against the headboard with a pleasured sigh, his muscles going slack. Thor alternated: first, his tongue licked and writhed at Loki's quim, while his hand pumped him agonizingly slowly. Then, he switched; his fingers teased Loki's folds while he suckled on the head of his erection. Light, teasing touches. Nothing stimulating enough to build him up too quickly, but that wouldn't last long. The achingly vanilla stimulation wore out all too quickly, and Loki growled, fisting a hand in that golden wave of hair.

"Stop teasing," he groaned, pulling on his hair.

An oaf even during sex, Thor brought his head up from between his legs with the biggest, doofiest grin on his face. Loki's breath hitched, and he could have sworn he saw a flash of the old Thor; in a look his-- dare he say it-- brother gave him when they were on one of their many adventures in the days of their youth. It made his heart race and his words catch in his throat. It was almost as if he was looking at the real Thor again.

"You were ever the patient one, Loki," it was practically a purr, which had Loki biting his lip and glaring at him, "Do I displease you, My King?"

"Either go down on me or fuck me, you fool. Do not dally."

"I intend to do both," and oh, it seemed Thor had stolen Loki's silver tongue. "Will you not allow me to make you wet enough for me, brother?" That was his bloody finger now, pressing just inside his folds, testing how wet he was already.

That was _it_.

Loki grabbed Thor by his armor and pulled him up farther onto the bed. Thor came willingly--Loki even heard a laugh rumbling in his chest--allowing himself to be dragged up and flipped over, to where he was laying on his back.

"Take it off," he ordered, obviously referring to Thor's clothing, "All of it. _Now_."

It took exactly twenty-three seconds for Thor to toss all of his clothing and armor. (He counted.)

"Good boy," Loki purred, ghosting his fingertips over muscle, delighting at the feel of Thor's sunkissed skin jumping under his touch. “I see I have… _piqued_ your interest, yes?” Nimble fingers ventured lower, curling around Thor’s half-hard cock. “Or perhaps this is merely your way of saying you like serving me.”

“ ‘Tis partly both, my lord.”

“Oh is it?” Loki chuckled as he began to pump his hand, “I cannot say I am surprised that you are turned on by dominating your partner. You always were very… physical.”

“I cannot lie to you,” Thor smirked up at him, “but taking you like this would please me just as much.”

“Perhaps.” Loki considered, “But I must remind you that this is _my_ experiment.”

“Which depends on your pleasure.” Thor sat up to press as closely to Loki as possible, his thumbs finding hard nipples again, and his voice rough and breathy against Loki’s ear. The low tone of his voice--and with such a husky delivery--sent shivers down his body and goosebumps along his skin. “Allow me to dominate you, brother,” oh, how dirty the word seemed now, “and you will never want another. I will come to you every night if it is what you ask; my only wish is your happiness.”

Oh, fuck it.

“Oh, however you will, _just do it!_ ”

Thor grinned, “Do what, majesty?”

“ _Fuck me_ , Thor!”

And oh, he _did_.

Stars above, Loki had never been fucked in such a way. (He had never been fucked per say--usually, he was the one fucking, but I digress.) Thor was all-encompassing. Enveloping. A steam engine mixed with a rutting bull mixed with the most tender of touches. Those were what Loki remembered most: sweet nothings or words of comfort whispered in his ear, tender caresses, kisses, even his possessive love-bites dripped with love. Sentiment, of course, but it stirred something in him. Something about Thor’s sentimentality and concern and love… it made the whole thing better. It was much, much more than a fuck. It was hundreds of years of pent-up emotion coming out in one night.

Thor had him pinned, his body arched but rigid as his hips bucked relentlessly, driving his glorious cock into Loki’s quim. It was delicious, skin slapping skin, tongues rubbing against each other, muffled moans. _“Ah, ah, yes, more, fuck me, fuck me!”_

Soon, Loki was a writhing mess, and he swore he would never let anyone else ever see him like this again.

Only Thor. Always Thor.

_“THOR!”_

 


	3. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaa thank you guys so so much for all the love /) w (\ you make me blush!
> 
> -In which Thor loves, and Loki doubts-
> 
> NOTE: I HAVE ADDED THE TAG MPREG. THIS IS A THING THAT HAPPENS.

Doubt.

It was a terrible infliction, once a seed of doubt was implanted in your mind. It spread like a weed, ached like a heartbreak, and was as sickening as a virus. Once the seed was planted, it was nearly impossible to take it back.

There were three things Loki felt when he woke up.

First, he was sore. And, after a night like he'd just had, he was sure to be. Flashes came back to him-- Thor was touching him, stroking him, kissing him, _entering_ him...--and he would be lying if he admitted to not being turned on by the memory of it all. His senses were all working at once, taste, touch, sight, sound, smell-- all of them. It was amazing. He felt no shame in moaning Thor's name or falling beneath him, for it was all what Loki had wanted (and more). One word, and it would have stopped, and Thor would never touch him again. So this soreness, this pain... was a good kind of pain.

Second, he was... warm. He lay on his side, staring at the wall, with Thor curled around him. If he was a cat, he would be purring and rubbing himself against Thor's sleeping, naked form. He liked this feeling of being enveloped by his brother (how funny it seemed to call him that now), it made him feel... happy. But it was a different kind of happiness than he was used to; it warmed him, left a tingling sensation in his belly, and a fluttering sensation in his chest. The only word to come close to describing it would be contentment or even--dare he say it--satisfaction. **  
**

But he was never satisfied, that was the thing about him. He was the Trickster, the King of Asgard. There was no room for contentment or satisfaction. There was no room for sentiment.

Which is where the third feeling came in.

He sat up, shrugging Thor's beefy arm from his shoulders, and looked down at the sleeping Thunder God. His heart seemed to melt when he saw that face, then a thought occurred to him, that maybe... maybe he'd like to wake up like this every day. And with a word to Thor, he could even make that happen.

But that was when he remembered. And that is when the seed of doubt set in.

Thor was under his control. Thor would kill Odin if Loki asked him to, no question. No pleas for Loki to change his ways, no attempts to lead him back to a more righteous path, no more trying to tell him what to do. It was Loki's turn in the spotlight.

So why did it burn him so?

No, Thor didn't love him. Thor did exactly what Loki wanted to do, down to treating him like there was nothing wrong-- like Thor was his usual self, and wanted him. The Tesseract had shown him that he must serve Loki, and it told him exactly how to do it. From the moment Loki had told him he wanted to see him in his quarters after the feast the night before, Thor had acted only how the Tesseract told him to act.

It was all a lie.

Loki felt sick. He got out of bed and pulled on his robe, coming to rest on a pillar. He couldn't believe he'd let himself get all sentimental about this; he knew from the beginning he couldn't let his emotions run rampant, so why was that a problem? He had the throne, he couldn't let anyone get in the way of that. And no one should, he had control over anyone that had a chance of opposing him.

He slammed his fist into the wall. From here on out, there would be no more sentiment. It would be the death of him.

"Loki?" He didn't turn around at the sound of Thor's voice, it only made him feel sicker.

"Loki," Thor mumbled, still half asleep, "come back to bed."

Taking a deep breath, he brought his head back up and stiffened out. "No. I have things to do, and so do you." ...was his voice always that icy?

He could almost feel Thor's confusion like ripples in pond water. "...are you feeling alright?"

"Yes."

"Did I... did I do something wrong?"

No, he did something very right. "...No. But there is no room for sentiment after-the-fact. I will have you grace my bed every night, but only if it is to be kept within these walls." He finally turned to face Thor, tugging his robe tighter around him and keeping as straight a face as he could muster. "Understood?"

Thor gazed at him a long time. There was sadness in his eyes somewhere, deep behind the enclosure the Tesseract kept on his mind. But he could do nothing except agree.

\---

It had been weeks. It might have even been a month or two now, since Loki first bedded Thor. And, to his word, they had been sleeping together every night since. He couldn't stop himself; everything felt too good, down to the last tender touch. But in the morning, he had to remind himself that there was no room for sentiment.

It really was a disease, doubt. It ate at him, each day a little more of him worn away. He barely ate, and never slept. His hand ached from clutching his scepter so harshly, most of the day. The cold from the metal seemed to seep through his bones, and make his whole arm ache. He hadn't even thought about bathing in two weeks, at least. His hair was long and greasy, and never as well-kept as when he was trying to take New York. Dark circles cradled his eyes, which had become dull, and icy blue still from his exposure to the Infinity Stone.

He left the other worlds alone. He didn't need war or challenges from other realms, nor did he need to rule them. What would be the point? To listen to the humans gripe about him taking their freedom? To stifle the rich cultures in Vanaheim and in Álfheim (which he was actually quite fond of)? That was not what he wanted. (He especially wanted nothing whatsoever to do with Jotunheim.)

He became jumpy. He began snapping at everyone that crossed him. The contentment he felt began eroding away, just as he wanted.

Satisfaction was not in his nature. He would make sure of it.

"You look weary." He jumped at the sudden, unexpected voice. It was Frigga; he hadn't seen her since the day of his coronation.

"M-... Frigga." He caught himself just as he was about to call her Mother. It was hard to forget the only woman that had ever loved him, and harder still to detach himself from her, emotionally. "I was not expecting you. Normally, most would be announced before they come into my throne room to seek audience with me."

"Are you insinuating that I need an appointment to meet with my own son?" Frigga expected him to deny their familial relations, so she held a hand up when he opened his mouth to do so. "Blood or no blood, I am the woman who raised you, am I not?"

"Fri--"

"Am I not?"

"...you are."

"And I love you as dearly as if you had come from my womb." Frigga continued, "Loki, do you know how hard it is for me to sit idly by and watch you destroy yourself?"

"Destroy myself?" Loki scoffed at her, leaning back farther on the throne, "Have you been watching me at all, mother? I have everything I have wanted for a very long time."

"A throne? You have let yourself slip so far as to be willingly consumed by an Infinity Stone just for the throne?"

"No!" Loki roared, standing and curling his lips back in a snarl, "You and Odin and Thor never listened to what I really wanted. I coveted the throne only to be seen as equal to my brother! Not as the monsters I was born to! And what happened, when I tried to distance myself from them? I was cast out!"

"No, you _fell!_ " Loki was startled when he heard Frigga raise her voice at him. He'd only ever heard her talk to him this way when she scolded him as as child, and that was what he felt like, standing before her now: a naughty child, being lectured about right and wrong. "You would blame us, your own family, for casting you out when we only ever loved you?"

"No," Loki rasped, "not you. Never you."

"Your-... Odin and I took you in, Loki. Your parents abandoned you, but we love you. We chose to keep you, Loki. How can you doubt we love you when we chose to take care of you?"

Loki was at a loss for words. Suddenly, he felt like curling into a ball and crying, like he'd done when Frigga had chastised him as a child. Perhaps, she would come embrace him then, and tell him it would be alright, and that it was not too late for redemption. But he had come too far for that. That might be a fatal hit to his pride. No, he wouldn't back down now.

"I am no longer the boy you raised, Frigga." He said, his voice on the verge of quivering, "That I can assure you."

"You could at least take better care of yourself. You look a mess."

"Leave me."

With a sad look, but without another word, Frigga left the throne room.

He was king. Nothing would change it.

So why was his doubt eating at him still?

\---

Now, six months after the fact. Loki was nothing but a shell of what he used to be. He found joy in nothing now; he didn’t even feel the same sparks when he bedded Thor. It was frustrating, it made his chest ache, and he didn’t want to leave the bed after they were done.

Remember when he tried to lock his emotions away, so they wouldn’t get in the way of ruling? Well, that plan failed miserably. It was like he was trying to hold back a rushing river, but the dam kept breaking. On the outside, he kept a cold, frozen demeanor that wasn’t easy to hold. But on the inside, he was an emotional maelstrom-- and the storm beat on the inside of his facade, threatening to break free almost constantly.

Sex with Thor was now frantic, but now, a lot of times it only lasted until Loki finished. He wouldn’t allow Thor to touch him sweetly anymore, nor say anything loving. Whenever Thor asked him if he was alright afterwards, he pretended he was asleep so he could avoid answering. Not a fortnight ago, Loki had stopped the intercourse altogether, as he was too tired anymore to even pretend to like it.

 _Thor doesn’t really want you._ __

_It’s only because he is under your control._ __

_He doesn’t want you._ __

_He hates you, he just hasn’t said so because he’s under your control._ __

_He **hates** you._

Doubt had a voice, and as the days went by, the voices got louder and louder until they were screams inside his head, deafening screams that he couldn’t stand anymore.

“My King?”

He jumped. "What, what do you want?"

"Mother has visited me," Thor said, as Loki managed to look him in the eye, "she fears for your health. Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm-- I'm fine--"

"Loki," Thor's blue eyes were still eerily somber, but the rest of his face seemed wrought with concern, "I worry for you even more now that I know you cannot lie as you used to."

"I do not lie!"

"You are," Thor stood adamant, "I have known you your whole life, brother. Your silver tongue is tarnished somehow; and I would like to know what it is so I may remedy it."

"Do you now?" Loki sneered, not believing it for a second as he stood, leaning heavily on his scepter.

"I do." Thor seemed sincere enough, but Loki knew it was only because of his control.

"Yes, and if I was not controlling you with the power of the Tesseract, would you say the same?" Before Thor could reply something he thought Loki wanted to hear, Loki waved him off. "Leave me. I will see a healer only when I am sick."

And the next morning, he was.

Clad in his robe, hadn't even bathed that day, Loki was bent over the toilet in the bathroom adjacent to his bedchambers. He must have had a bad piece of meat, in the little he'd eaten last night. That was the only reason he could think of that he would be this violently sick. He went to the healer, though he figured it was only food poisoning, to be sure it wasn't something more. As he lay under the Soul Forge, the Healers murmured to each other. They sounded confused. One of them, the Matron, left soon after, and returned with Frigga. Loki groaned and let his head fall back as soon as he saw her.

"Sara tells me you are sick."

"Yes." He answered shortly.

Instead of lecturing him, Frigga turned on the Soul Forge and gazed at it a long time. A mix of emotions played on her face, from happiness to despair to something in-between. It took three words, only three, three simple words to send Loki into a rage. Furniture flew, crashed, broke, and sent pieces scattering across the floor. A pulse of sheer energy from the force of Loki's rage sent even the Soul Forge toppling over onto its side.

"Loki!"

"IT IS NOT POSSIBLE!"

"Loki, calm down!"

"I CANNOT BE-"

"But you are!" she grabbed him, squeezing him tight to get him to stop thrashing. "Loki, it is a medical certainty. And with your biology, I thought you might be more careful."

"More careful? MORE CAREFUL--" Loki tried to push her away, but her magic nulled his. She was much more powerful than him, anyway.

"Loki, stop." She shushed him, petting his back and trying to soothe him as she did when he was a babe. He went limp in her arms, and a broken sob wracked through him. Another came, and another, then he was sobbing into her shoulder like he was a child again. "You are pregnant. There is no changing it."

"That is not what--" Loki's voice broke, "That is not what I am upset about, Mother. It is... It's..."

"The father." It was a guess, but it was pretty obvious.

"...yes. He is... Mother, I have done something-- I couldn't help myself--"

"Thor is the child's father."

He pulled back to look at her, utterly in shock. "How did you--"

"I am your mother," she offered a soft, smug smile, "Did you think I would not notice the way you look at him? It is alright," she assured him, "I have been seeing how close you two have been for a long time now-- I'm sure, under certain circumstances, we would have married you two. You are not related by blood, after all."

Loki sighed shakily, cradling his head in his hands. "Mother... I can't do this anymore."

Frigga smiled reassuringly, and pat his arms. "I know just what to do, my dear."

\---

Once again, Thor met Loki in the throne room, except this time, Loki was standing in front of the throne, rather than seated at it. He held his scepter loosely in both hands, and his eyes were just as blank as Thor's.

"Thor."

"...my king. What did the healers--"

"Hang the healers." Loki said casually, descending the stairs unsteadily and swingng the scepter idly. "I was sick this morning."

Thor was confused, "Did... they tell you what was wrong?"

"No," Loki frowned, "Mother did. I was, ah..." he chuckled, "quite unsettled with what she told me."

"What did she say, Loki? Please, I want--"

"You want to what?!" He roared at him, pointing his scepter, "To deceive me again, to give me false hope? To think that you love me when all it is is you telling me what I wish to hear-- to please me, as you think it is your mission to do?"

Thor blanched, "I-- Loki, are you sure you're alright--"

"SHUT UP." He blasted Thor with the power from the scepter, sending the Thunderer flying through one of the throne room pillars.

"If you really wish to please me," Loki growled, "you will tell me your true feelings! No more whispers in the dark, no more false hope."

"I would not lie!" Thor coughed.

"Would you love me if I were not controlling you?!" Loki blasted the pillar next to Thor to bits, to make his point. He wanted an answer _now._

"Yes!" Thor cried out, trying to plead with him, "Loki, please let me explain! Take the hold off me if that will make you believe it, but my answer will not change!"

"LIES!" Loki was all but sobbing now, pointing the scepter directly at him. Then, he remembered what Frigga had told him.

 _"Leave the palace tonight," she had said, "there is a small village in the mountains between here and Álfheim, with an abandoned house just at the edge. I own this small place, you may take refuge there while you wait out your pregnancy."_ __

_"And take this," at this, she placed an intricate star-shaped pendant on a thin gold chain around his neck, "this will hide you from Heimdall, and allow you to masquerade as a young woman without having to use your own supply of magic. Using magic during your pregnancy can be strenuous on you, I would caution you against it unless it is absolutely necessary. The necklace will also allow me to find you easily."_

Run. He was going to run. What else could he do? There was nothing left here, and Thor did not want him.

He raised his scepter high, then smashed it into the ground with such a force that the blades bent, and the jewel connecting it to the Tesseract shattered. There was a mighty explosion that rattled the very walls of the palace, down to the bedrock it was placed upon.

Thor was blown backwards, through the grand doors, and into the wall opposite them. By the time he was able to get up again, his vision cleared, where it had been tinged at the edges with blue before. The voices in his head were finally silenced, but one thought came to him once he could see straight again.

 _Loki._

He didn't care what had happened between them, nor did he care what Loki had done to him. His brother had been at the center of that explosion, he wanted to make sure he was alright. (Then, of course, he would probably beat him)

But when he reached the Throne Room again, Loki was gone.


	4. Isolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much love! We're almost done guys, thank you so so much for all your support~ it's meant the world to me! 
> 
> -In which Loki gains a sense of clarity and a new identity, and Thor misses him terribly-

 Isolation.

Perhaps it was for the best. For the first time in his life, he couldn’t use his tricks to get out of his present situation. He had to act just like anyone else, had to live as if he wasn’t a prince.

The house Frigga had mentioned seemed frozen in time—along with the little village surrounding it. The people mulled about as if nothing in the Nine could deter them from this meager existence. This is the way things had been for them for thousands of years, farming, raising livestock, growing fruits and vegetables Loki had only seen on the banquet table, cooked and ready to be eaten. These fruit trees grew in groves, the fruit so ripe and raw, the light summer breeze carrying the sweet scent over the entire mountainside. The people in the village were just as sweet, and willing to help this ‘girl’ (whom they thought was on the run from a wicked suitor— well, no magic did not necessarily mean no silver tongue, now did it?).

It was two days since Loki’s escape from the palace when, during a stroll through the fruit groves, he sort of felt… content. For the first time in years, he felt actual peace. This place, these people… it was an entirely different world. No one here knew who he was, no one looked at him strangely or with mistrust or pity. The innocence and clarity of the people in this tiny mountain village was seeping into him already. And… he liked it.

He only noticed he’d begun to cry when he heard a familiar voice. 

“I have always enjoyed the gardens here myself.” He turned, wiping the tears from his cheeks and smiling softly at his mother.

“Mo- Frigga,” He corrected himself. He must not call her Mother here, especially if he did not look like himself. If someone heard, they might get suspicious. “I did not know you would be visiting so soon.”

“Oh, but what’s wrong, dear?” She smiled comfortingly at him, reaching a hand up to caress his cheek. “You’re upset.”

“No, overwhelmed is all,” he shook his head, trying to wave it off, “have you come with news?” Then, with a glance around, he added, “Can people see you as I see you?”

“No, my child,” she chuckled, “To anyone else, I look like the mother of the young girl I disguised you as. But you will see me as I am.”

Loki felt a combination of grief and nausea wash over him, and he embraced his mother. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he muttered his apologies over and over as he let the emotions pour from him; his will to hold them back was gone now, now that there was no one left that would judge him. Frigga did no more than hold him and let him cry, let him get it all out. She stroked his hair, as she had done when he was a child.

“No one blames you for what you did,” She tried. 

“Mother, do not try to coat it in honey,” he muttered, “if I go back there, I’ll surely face the axe.”

“Don’t speak like that!” She scolded him, “Mark me, I will defend and protect you with everything in me. I love you Loki. Blood or no blood, you are just as much my son as Thor. He does not blame you either.”

“Tch. After I took his very mind, his very will from him? He does not blame me? No, mother. I am the only one at fault for everything—controlling and seducing him, out of my own sick fantasies.”

“The fact that you realize your own faults is a good thing,” Frigga pulled back from the embrace to look directly into his eyes, “it must be your decision, then, to stay here or come back. After your pregnancy, of course."

“Has Odin forgiven me my sins?”

“…I know not. He and Thor are trying to—”

“—to clean up the mess I made of Asgard. I know he will not forgive me for a long time, Mother. Perhaps never.”

“Loki—”

“Let this be my banishment, then,” Loki took her hands, “Take my power from me and leave me here to last the rest of my days in this tiny village. I have not been here three days and it has already changed me. Odin banished Thor for much less.”

Frigga looked at him a long time, a mixture of sadness and hope in her eyes. Then, she removed from her robes a pair of gold cuffs. “I made these, they will suppress your magic. I would have only used them on you if I had to.” 

Loki offered a small, mischeivious smile—and though it was a mere shadow of the man he used to be, it showed that he had spark in him yet. He held out his wrists, and Frigga secured the cuffs around them.

“Fasionable.” he commented with a soft chuckle. Frigga smiled at him, then stretched up to kiss his forehead.

“I will be back with medicine in no more than three days,” she said, “Fare thee well, my son.” He smiled and kissed her cheek, and watched her retreat back up the path.

“Fare thee well, Mother.”

 

\---

 

Nine months didn’t seem so long when Loki lived from day to day.

He made his own money, mixing medicines for the sick of this small village, and helping mend the injured. He needed no magic to do it, only advice from Frigga, who visited often. The people began to grow fond of this woman he had become—Ava, Loki had named her.

It was only a few months in when Frigga noticed that Loki was growing much faster than a normal pregnant woman. After she examined the growing child, she learned it was not one but two babies; twins. Loki wasn’t sure how he felt, knowing that they were Thor’s children, but he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter.

When the time came, he swore he’d never ever _ever_ have another bloody child again. By the time even the first child had crowned, he had screamed himself hoarse. Finally, soaked in sweat, gasping for breath, barely able to speak, he collapsed against the bed. Both children had been washed and dried, and each wrapped in a warm blanket.

“A boy and girl,” Frigga announced, her eyes welling up with tears, “they look just like you and Thor.” She placed the wriggling little boy in Loki’s arms, while she cradled his twin sister. Loki teared up himself as he looked at his son’s face. It was uncanny, how much this child looked like Thor. His heart lurched, and he had to choke back a sob.

“Y-you… must take them back with you,” Loki said, trying to keep his voice from wavering, “I am not fit to raise them like this, not on my own. Not in exile.”

“Loki, you cannot be separated from your own children,” Frigga seemed shocked, “they will not know their own mother?”

“It is better they do not. There are plenty of wet nurses among your lady servants, are there not?” 

“There are, but Loki—”

“I won’t go back, Mother.” He refused to look up at her. “Take these children to their father. Let him name them, raise them, and give them a life like I never could. They _are_ royalty, after all.”

It took a lot of convincing, but Frigga finally agreed to take the children back with her to the palace. She nursed him back to full health first, and days later, he watched (tearful) from the doorway of his hovel as she carried them down the path and out of sight.

 

\---

 

Thor reacted to finding out about Loki going into hiding much the same way that Loki reacted to finding he was with child. After the destruction of most of the furniture in his bedroom (while Frigga waited patiently in the doorway), Thor leaned against the foot of his bed, fists clenching around the edge of the woodwork as if he wanted to toss the bed next.

“And he told you he would not come back?”

Frigga nodded.

“But you have been visiting him! You know where he is, and why Heimdall cannot see him! Why will you not bring him back? He could hurt more people, he could—”

“Thor, before you continue that sentence, I would like for you to think.” He looked confusedly at her, and she raised her eyebrows. “How long has he been gone?”

Thor sighed, rubbing his face as if trying to (finally) calm down. “Nearly a year.”

“But how long?”

“Nine months, but why is that signific-…” he trailed off as he saw the look on his mother’s face. “…wait, you don’t mean he was—” At her nod, he slowly crossed the room to sit in his armchair next to the hearth. “…mine?” 

“Yes, yours.”

“Where is it? The child?”

“I have laid your _children_ —” he looked up at her wide-eyed, “—down to sleep in the nursery. A little boy and girl. You may see them at any time.”

“Norns…” His voice was barely audible, such a shock had overtaken him. Not just one child—two. Then, he wondered. “Have they been named yet?”

Frigga shook her head. “No. He wished for you to name them.”

Thor stared at the fire burning in the hearth. This would not be easy.

 

\---

 

Another year passed. Loki was fine, still isolated. Seasons, leaves, and faces changed, but the sense of peace never left him. He liked being Ava, this small-town medicinal woman, who had nothing more to her life than to help the people she had come to be quite fond of. The fact that the girl he portrayed had so little to live for, and still he could be happy was strange, awe-inspiring, and enlightening. Finally, he had found satisfaction, in the tiniest of things. One year changed into two, two into ten, then ten into twenty.

Twenty years. A lot can change in that much time, and a lot did: Loki grew, in mind and in body, he could see his mother aging every time she came to see him (but he would be damned if he didn’t admit how well she was aging), and Thor finally accepted his fate. One day, talk buzzed that Odin would finally be passing the throne to his eldest son. No one knew why Thor had stalled this long, not even Loki himself.

“He still begs me, every time he catches me coming to see you,” Frigga had told him in her latest visit, “he begs me to bring you home.”

Most of the time, Loki tried not to think of Thor. He would be better off, Loki figured, without him. He had still not repented for his sins, and the blood that stained his hands would still not wash off. (It was at this thought that he remembered the irony of it; how he’d mouthed off to Natasha Romanov about her gushing red ledger, and how far away that seemed now.)

He never thought for one moment that he would see Thor again. But, on a day like any other, Loki spotted the king-to-be on his way down to the marketplace. He froze when he saw the Thunderer, thinking him to be an illusion, until he was sure that he was within the waking world.

He looked like he had grown up considerably. His hair was even longer (if that were possible), and braided in too many places to count; counts of his greatest victories in battle, no doubt. His blue eyes were not as blank as Loki had last seen them, but he was free of his control now. The blue had seemed to darken, with weariness and sadness, and Loki thought for a fleeting moment that it was because he was looking for him.

 _Calm yourself_ , he thought, _Mother’s pendant should hold up even against him. Just remain calm._ He couldn’t care that much.

Could he?

He continued on his way, carrying his basket as if it were nothing. He expected Thor to stop him too, so he spent the seconds leading up to the encounter preparing himself. Those blue eyes trained on him. _Here it comes._

“My Lady, may I bother you for a moment?” _Ever polite, even more so than I remember. No wonder that mortal rat fell for you._  

Loki feigned amusement. “My prince, you flatter me. I am but a humble healer. My name is Ava.”

Thor gave her a smile—but it was tired, hurt, and heartbroken. It almost made Loki break character. “Milady Ava, I was wondering something of you. Did a man pass through here, perhaps twenty years ago? He has black hair, green eyes, he might have looked like he’d lost a battle with a Bilgesnipe?” 

Lady Ava raised her eyebrows. “Twenty years ago? I hardly remember, I’m sorry.” Thor seemed to physically deflate, his shoulders slumped, and he rubbed his face. Oh, Loki was definitely going to regret this, but he couldn’t stop himself. “You look weary, my Lord. Might I ask if you would like to stay the night with me?”

Thor looked at him for a while, possibly wondering why this woman would open up her home to him so quickly and eagerly. Then, he seemed to shrug it off and smile at Loki. “Thank you, it would be great.”

“I live just up the hill, past the groves,” He pointed up the way he’d just come, “allow me to gather supplies, and I will lead you there myself.”

“Well, allow me to help you with your things, then.” Before Loki could stop him, Thor had gently taken the basket he was carrying. Look at that idiot, smiling so sweetly; Loki really did have him fooled. With a small huff, Loki continued along the way to the marketplace.

The sun was just beginning to set by the time Loki led his brother into the old house at the top of the hill. He instructed Thor to set the basket down in the small kitchen attached to the sitting room, while he collected spices from the pantry.

“Make yourself at home,” he suggested, “I will have supper prepared shortly.” It was a bit more work, cooking without magic, but Loki had mastered it over the twenty years he’d been here. It was actually fun, and took just as much concentration as conjuring did. It kept him busy when he didn’t have to mix medicine for the villagers. It went by very quickly.

“You have a lovely little home.” Loki looked up at Thor, who was standing in the sitting room, admiring the décor.

“Thank you. It was gifted to me. I’ve lived here over twenty years now, it’s become my home.”

“What about your family, if you don’t mind my asking?” Thor was leaning on the mantle, and Loki could just about feel his gaze on him.

“My mother visits me often—she tells me the rest of my family fares well.” 

“Your mother… what is her name?”

Loki froze. He hadn’t thought of something like that, even in all his years playing Ava. Why would Thor be asking something like that? “…Hylda.” Frigga would probably smack him for giving her such a ridiculous name, but it was the first thing to come to mind.

There was silence all through supper, and Thor seemed quite comfortable with it. Loki, however, was on edge. Thor was starting to get curious about Loki’s alias, and that could not be a good thing. As dimwitted as people thought the Crown Prince of Asgard was, he was far more intelligent than expected. He could very well figure all this out, if he dug deep enough. Loki just prayed that Frigga did not happen to visit the next day.

After they had both eaten their fill, Thor helped him clean up. It was so surreal, seeing the great warrior doing something so domestic. It actually brought an amused grin to Loki’s face. When the dishes were cleaned and put away, the two of them sat and watched the Nighttime Auroras dance across the starry sky through the big window next to the table.

“Who was it that gifted this house to you, did you say?” Thor asked. It was the first time either of them had spoken since before dinner. Loki looked at him, then blinked back at the sky outside.

“My mother.”

“…my own mother, the Queen used to own this house, you know.” Loki froze, not daring to look at his brother. “She barely ever spent time here; she would only stay whenever she was travelling between here and the Northern Mountains. I had no idea she’d given it away.”

“Really?” It was so hard to keep his voice from shaking. “I had no idea it belonged to the Queen.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Thor turn to face him. Finally, he had to make eye contact. He had to make him believe this lie. He wouldn’t let himself be found out. He had to live out the rest of his exiled, magic-less days in peace, or he’d go crazy. Thor got up from his seat at the other end of the table, and Loki stood as well. He was poised to run; he was ready to take off and rip the cuffs from his wrists and disappear—anything to get away. Thor was making his way around the table slowly, his face now hardened and no longer casual.

“Loki.”

He swallowed, trying to maintain his character, “My lord, I—” 

“Mother told me where you were, Loki. Drop the illusion.”

Frigga had told him? Why would she do that? How could she betray him like that? She had agreed to let him wile away the rest of his days, without his tricks and under the guise of a medicine woman. _Why?_

No use in pretending now. Loki held his head high and stood his ground as he slipped the necklace from his neck. His body changed back in the course of a second, and it felt odd, now that he was so used to being Ava. He did not break eye contact with his brother as he changed back, and saw the confusion cloud his eyes.

“Why do you need such an instrument?” Thor asked, “I have seen you change so easily without having to lift a finger. Why this change?”

“I allowed myself to be exiled here, to allow Mother to repress my magic, to atone for my sins. You coming to find me does not help me in the slightest. Go home.”

“Not without you.” Thor replied immediately. “I will not leave this house with you still here.”

“And I will not leave this house.” Loki glared at him, “This is my life now, Thor. I am at peace here.”

“If you will not return for me, will you return for our children?”

That one was an arrow to the heart. Loki growled, gripping the chair so he did not leap for Thor’s throat. “How _dare_ you use that against me! I gave them a better life with you!”

“And they grew up with only me as a parent.”

“And what could I have done?! Gone back, changed the past, so I did not have them at all?!”

 _“You could have come home!”_ Thor shouted, closing the distance between them and grabbing Loki by the neck like he used to. “You could have come back with them!”

“And what would have happened to me if I had?” Loki spat back, “Treason of the highest order, Thor. I would have been banished anyway, or, more likely, beheaded. This is better.”

“No more,” Thor shook his head, “I struck an agreement with Father. He would allow these past twenty years to have been your punishment for seizing the throne, and he would allow you to come home if I would take the throne.” 

Loki snorted, and Thor went on, “Why do you think I have not taken the throne yet, Loki?”

“You could not banish visions of sucking my cock while I sat there?” 

Thor groaned and glared at him, “Ever since you left I have been looking for you! Did you think I would simply give up? I begged Mother endlessly all these years to take me to you. I thought you dead, once again, until she told me otherwise.”

“Well, you have me now, brother,” Loki sneered at him, “go on then, best me in battle, as I cannot decieve you with my magic. Drag me back to the palace in chains and throw me to the mercy of the Allfather, as you have always wanted.” 

“You think this is what I want?! You have not been listening to a single word I said! Loki, how clearly do I have to say it? I want you to come home. I want my brother back, I want…” Those blue eyes looked away, and back again, “I love you, Loki. I have since before you controlled me, I have since we were younger. I was not lying at all that day; I want to see you happy. I want you at my side, Loki. I would have you rule at my side.”

Loki didn’t even realize tears were rolling down his cheeks until Thor was wiping them away gently. He trembled, such was the power Thor’s words held over him. He wasn’t lying. He hadn’t been lying. The doubt Loki had felt all those years ago was so terribly wrong, and he instantly regretted everything. Every little thing, down to taking control and committing treason.

“Loki, I want you to marry me.”

“Thor, I…” _Don’t mess this up. Don’t mess it up, he loves you. He really does._ “…I can’t. _We_ can’t—”

“We can,” Thor said, determined, “I will not take the throne if you are not by my side. By the Nine, I can no longer _live_ without you, now that I have found you again. I will move out here with you, I will bring the children, and we can all live together.”

Loki tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “…what did you name them?” 

Thor smiled proudly, “Thorunn, for our daughter. Valki for our son. Oh, you should see them, Loki. They are so beautiful. Almost ready to eat their first Apple and become immortals.”

Loki let his head fall against Thor’s shoulder, no longer able to conceal the tears he’d held in for twenty years. These were his children, children he’d _given birth to_ , and he’d missed out on the most important parts of their lives. He hadn’t even known their names all this time. But now that he did, he would not change them for the world. 

“Thor, I’m… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” He sobbed, mumbling into Thor’s shoulder. The Thunderer shushed him and kissed his temple, wrapping those strong arms around him. It was then and there Loki decided he never wanted to be anywhere else but in that embrace.


	5. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Loki is glad to be home, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, it's finished!!! With one more smut scene to end this fic with a bang. Literally.

Redemption.

It was like walking through a dream. All the chaos and death and destruction had become his reality the last time he was in the grand City. When he sat on that throne, it seemed he would never be content unless he was a God among Kings. His vision had been tinged around the edges from his high; it made him long for the peacefulness of the little village at first. Then, he seemed to acclimate much quicker than he expected. It was almost as if his coup never happened.

The only reminder existed in the cautious, hard stares he got from some of those whom he had controlled. Sif, the Warriors Three, even some of his servants didn't trust him. They weren't used to this mellowed-out version of the Trickster. A few days after he got back and he started to regain some of his old spark.

Of all of the tastes he'd had within the past two decades of his life: humiliation, revenge, doubt, isolation... none had tasted quite as sweet as redemption.

He was there when his children ate their first of Idunn's apples, the apples that kept them strong and slowed their aging tenfold. And oh, they were so gorgeous.

Thorunn was built like a warrior. Long, lean legs and thick thighs, strong arms, and long fingers perfect for gripping a two-handed sword. Her resemblance to Loki was remarkable; the same emerald green eyes and thick black hair-- which of course, was braided and pulled back away from her face.

Valki looked just like Thor, if Thor were built a lot more like a runner or a dancer. Long legs, just like Thorunn, but he did have more muscle. Loki expected he was much stronger than he let on. He had Thor's blue puppy dog eyes and shining golden hair, as well as that same doofy grin. Thor himself was proud to announce that Valki had Loki's talent for magic, and had been learning from Frigga, just as Loki had.

It did take him a couple weeks to adjust to life back in the palace, but Thor helped him every step of the way. Thor was always eager to help him, and, proving what he had told Loki back in the cottage, loved him unconditionally. Loki had no idea anymore why he had held back his feelings for so long. Why hadn't they resolved this sooner? They were both much, much happier now.

And the sex was _fantastic._

They, of course, had not slept together in over twenty years. They had to make up for lost time.

After a month of being home, Loki finally took Thor up on his proposal. (With that, of course, he had to formally announce his true parentage to everyone, so people would not think them incestuous. Loki had long since come to terms with his heritage.)

In one beautiful, flower-laced, white and gold day, they were married and coronated. The nuptials were short, as most of the ceremony lay in the following feast and consummation that night. The party, of course, would go on for days. But Thor whispered that he would gladly miss all of it if he could ravage Loki. And how do you resist that? (Answer: you don't.)

The ceremony passed, and the feast began. Loki ate and drank sparingly, merely attaching himself to Thor's side and watching him talk to the guests and thank them for coming. Throughout the evening, Loki felt sparks of his old mischievous self again. He would time the perfect sideways glance at Thor with a pat to the shoulder, a smirk and a small squeeze of the knee, or a little hum and a sway of his hips (perhaps bumping ever-so-lightly against him for his attention). He was catching and holding Thor's attention, making sure to escalate just a little more each time. Finally, when he could stand it no longer, he managed a husky whisper into Thor's ear.

"Meet me in our chambers. I'll be waiting."

Thor hung behind (probably trying to hide his obvious arousal) while Loki went to prepare himself. They had fucked wildly plenty a time before now, but this time was different. It was the sealing of a lifelong deal, a deal he couldn't back out of even if he wanted to. After all he'd done, he couldn't do it to Thor--to leave him again would be to shatter that heart of his.

After a quick wash and changing into an evening robe, Loki downed a vial of sour liquid; a gift from his mother. It would keep him from unexpected pregnancy again. If either of them wanted more children, they could talk about it later, but tonight was about them and them alone.

He didn't need to look when he heard the door open, close, and lock.

"And how exactly was I supposed to focus with you and your teasing?" Thor's arms wound themselves around Loki's waist, and those soft lips found his neck. It set fireworks off under his skin, much more than even the first time they slept together. Loki smirked and pressed himself back against the warmth and firmness of Thor's body.

“You were taking too long, I was growing impatient~” Loki purred.

"Impatient," Thor chuckled as his hands found their way to the ties on Loki’s robe, “it isn’t as if we are both virgins, Loki. In fact, I do not think most married couples fuck as much as we do.”

“Tonight is different.”

He was right, and with a look, they both knew it. Tonight marked Loki’s redemption, and the taking of a chance to start life anew. After tonight, turning back would be impossible. Thor was happy, possibly happier than he’d ever been in his entire life. Loki was happy as well, but just as terrified as he was excited. Of all the new things he had tried in his life up until now, he had never been this scared of what the future held. And the reason he was this terrified? Because after losing all hope, after having his ability to trust ripped to shreds, he was taking a leap of faith. He was going out on a limb, and hoping Thor would be there to catch him if he fell.

No words were exchanged between them for the next few moments. Thor seemed to sense the tension under his skin, and the shortness in his breath, and offered a loving kiss to Loki’s forehead.

“Don’t be afraid, Loki.” His voice was soothing, comforting. “I am here. As I always have been, and as I always will be.”

A lump formed in Loki’s throat, and he fought to keep tears from welling up. His lips fell into a shadow of his old smirk, and he leaned in to whisper into Thor’s ear: “You are my King, and I your husband. Make me yours, now and forever more.”

Thor dove right in, all but tearing both of their clothes off. Loki clung to those broad shoulders, pressing as much of his body against Thor as possible. The two of them collaborated their movements so Loki had wrapped himself around Thor, and Thor had his hands on Loki’s ass and lower back, both groping and supporting him at the same time (win-win).  Muffled moans got caught between their mouths as they clashed together, with more fervor than ever before.

The bed creaked under them when they finally made it that far--they almost didn't--and Loki couldn't blame it. He was groaning himself as Thor's weight pushed him into the mattress. It wasn't uncomfortable at all; he actually liked the breathlessness that came with being under the weight of his lover. It represented all that muscle, all that delicious dormant power laying under his brother's skin, that was about to be released on him. Thousands of years would pass, and he would never get tired of it.

Oh. That was Thor's mouth on his nipple. What a lovely distraction.

For a short while, they were nothing but languid kisses and roaming tongues and gently-scratching fingernails. But that was about all the teasing Loki could take.

"Thor," he panted, still able to smirk at him, "you tease your bride too much. I'm afraid my cunt has gone shy."

After quite the punishing kiss, Thor mumbled back, "I am terribly sorry. Allow me to remedy that." His last few words were accompanied by the pressing of a thick finger against Loki's folds. His fingertip drew hard, slow circles around that sensitive spot, and then something unexpected. Thor abandoned his earlier task of making love bites on Loki’s collarbone, and trailed wet little kisses down his chest.

The next thing Loki knew, Thor had all but swallowed his cock. Loki’s eyes and mouth shot wide open, and a strangled gasp caught in his throat. Looking down at him only made it worse; Thor was looking up at him, those blue eyes shining in a way that Loki was used to seeing in the mirror, not on his brother.

Thor’s method was quite erratic--but he knew by now that this was how Loki liked it. No defined method, no two motions at the same speed or with the same amount of force; this was what got the best reactions out of him. So Thor alternated between bobbing, licking, and sucking, all the while keeping a steady pace of thrusting his finger in and out of him.

Shameful little gasps and pants left his mouth before Loki managed to mutter, "More... need more..."

Wordlessly, Thor smirked as he pulled back to kiss the very tip of Loki’s cock, and thrust a second finger in, assuming that this was what Loki meant. But Loki was having none of that. "No," he hissed, dragging blunt nails against Thor’s scalp, "I need your cock. _Now_."

Thor let out a soft laugh as he shifted his position to line himself up. "Tsk. So demanding."

Loki's own good-humored laugh rumbled in his chest. "Shut up and fuck me, dear." The next sound out of his mouth was the most grateful, ecstatic, lewd moan he'd ever released. A single thrust, and Thor was buried to the hilt.

Even after all this time, Loki didn’t take very long to adjust. And still Thor waited, patiently, as Loki locked his legs around Thor’s waist, pulling them ever closer together. For a few seconds, they remained suspended in this moment: two joined as one, now and for the rest of their lives, hearts beating as one. In the face of this new life, both were too stunned to do much more than share soft kisses and whispers of love. It was Thor who broke the silence first.

“Are you ready?”

Loki felt his heart swelling in his chest, and he responded with a small grin and a small nod.

At first, the pace was soft; gentle. It took a moment to work up a rhythm they both could move with, but once they did, the room was filled with throaty moans and the creaking of the bed and cries for more. With every thrust, Loki felt himself coming apart, becoming nothing more than a writhing, gasping mess. He could just barely hear Thor muttering in his ear, chanting “mine, mine, mine, mine” over and over.

_“Mine.”_

_“Ah, harder! Gods, Thor--yes, yes yes!”_

_“Mine, mine… all mine…”_

_“Y-yes! I’m yours, I’m-!”_

After that, he could feel himself arching and clawing at Thor’s back, and he could remember screaming--it might’ve been Thor’s name, but he was too far gone to be sure--and then his vision whited out. In the seconds after, his skin was tingling beyond compare, and he struggled to catch his breath. Above him, Thor was slowing down, fucking them both out of their orgasms (in his ecstasy, he failed to notice Thor coming too).

They both panted a while, their breath mixing as Thor leaned down to press his forehead to Loki’s.

“I love you,” he mumbled, “Norns, I love you so much…”

Loki smirked and nipped at his lips, “I love you too, brother, but if you think we are done for the night, you are terribly mistaken.”

Thor let out a soft chortle. “Is that so?”

“It is. I plan on having you fuck me until we break this bed.”

“We ought to get started, then.”

\---

Now, while it’s easy to depict a happy-ever-after ending in a story like this, it’s nearly impossible to find one in real life. It’s easy enough to say “happy now, and happy hence, and happy ever after”, but in a world like ours, something is bound to happen after the end. If I were going to end it with “and they lived happily ever after”, I would be leaving you too abruptly. Because after their wedding night, Thor and Loki would go through so much more. More children, more challenges, more struggles, more loss and more heartbreak.

But each time they were faced with a challenge, they faced it together. Side by side, instead of toe to toe. And their love only grew every time.

It wasn’t just them, either. With Thor and Loki ruling Asgard, the Nine Realms fell into a peace that lasted a thousand years more. And when they were sure their boys had a handle on things, Odin and Frigga decided to officially retire.

“And where will you go?” Loki asked with a good-humored laugh, on the night Frigga announced to them they were leaving. “That little shack in the mountains?”

“No,” Frigga smiled patiently at him, “We’ll go to Midgard.”

Loki couldn’t help an indignant snort (some things never change), but Thor nudged his husband with his elbow and turned back to his mother. “When are you leaving, Mother?”

“Tomorrow, in the morning.”

“And will we see you again?”

A snort came from the old Queen. “We are going to Norway, not Valhalla."  Thor was about to envelop her in a hug, but she waved him off. “Go on, go on. There will be plenty of time to say goodbye when we leave in the morning, and I must speak with Loki.” Thor seemed a bit hesitant to leave, but Frigga shooed him off anyway.

“What do you wish to speak to me about, mother?” Loki raised his eyebrows in curiousity and slight confusion.

She sighed and gave him a look-- one he’d seen many times, especially when he was younger. It was halfway between a sad smile and an incredibly happy one, and he was worried she was about to cry.

“Loki.” she began, her voice soft. She pulled him into a tight hug, and pulled back before continuing, “I just wanted to let you know that I am proud of you. It has been a long road since your father brought you home, and there will be a longer road to come. But you have come so far. You have been hurt and lost, and you have healed and found yourself again. It took you far too long to value the ones that love you, and to realize how true this love is, but I am so proud of how far you have come.”

It was only when she brushed a thumb across his cheek that Loki realized he was crying. He didn’t dare stop it now; he’d held all his emotions in and ignored for too long. Now it was time for him to let them flow freely. He closed his eyes, and bowed his head so she could kiss his forehead.

“I love you, Loki, my son.”

Loki swallowed the lump in his throat. “I love you too, mother. I know I don’t say it enough.”

Frigga smiled and hugged him once more, then sent him off after Thor.

Loki tried to pull himself back together as he walked the halls, back to the room he and Thor shared. They were tears of happiness, but he didn’t want Thor to think he was upset. Thor, of course, noticed he had been crying anyway.

“Loki? What’s wrong, what did mother say?” Instead of answering, Loki threw his arms around Thor’s neck and buried his face against it. Thor rested his hands on Loki’s back and knit his eyebrows. “Loki…?”

“S’nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

Loki nodded and nuzzled closer. “Yes. I love you.”

A laugh rumbled in Thor’s chest, “I love you too.”

The next morning, Thor and Loki saw their parents off at the Bridge. Frigga hugged them for the longest time, and Odin even seemed relaxed and at peace. As Loki watched them disappear, he leaned his head on Thor’s shoulder.

Stories that end happily overuse the terms “happily ever after” and “the end”. Because even after the events of this story take place, their lives didn’t stop. Thor became King, and Loki became Queen (and gave a deathly glare to anyone who giggled at his title). Their children grew up, and they had more children. Thorunn was married, and Valki too, eventually. Their children will have children, and so will they.

Loki thought about this, on the night after Frigga and Odin left, laying in his bed next to Thor, with their youngest child sleeping on his chest. And he thought, what could be more redeeming than knowing he’d turned himself around and brought good into this world? From a dark place of Humiliation, to a gilded one of Victory, to the stomach-clenching Doubt and serene but disingenuous Isolation.

This Redemption had finally led him home.


End file.
